28 January 2009

The OFA Stinks!

So I thought I should write a follow up to my blog from Monday. Just to make sure you all know I'm not crazy. Sometimes our emotions get us all wrapped up and warped and tangled. I may never know why I have the issues I do with commitment, but the only thing I really can do is take steps in the right direction. Whatever direction that may be. That being said...

Let's talk about something even more disturbing then function of my brain... Let's talk weather.

It is 51 days until Spring. Yep - you heard correctly... There is still 51 days until Spring. In my opinion it can't come soon enough. Last night on the phone with Scott he told me it was snowing like crazy in Western Illinois (where he lives). I had hoped it would go South and East and miss us.... When I heard the snow plow going by my house at 2 this morning.. I figured I better get up and head into work. Boy was I right... It took me an hour and twenty minutes to get here. It was wicked this morning. I keep telling myself... Only 51 days until Spring.

Here is what The Old Farmer's Almanac says about this years weather...
After a mostly mild November, snow at Thanksgiving will signal the
coming of a very cold period, especially in the west. Temperatures will
seesaw from January through March. Precipitation will generally be below
normal, with above-normal snowfall in the southwest and below-normal
snowfall in most other parts of the region. The coldest periods will
occur in December, early and mid-January
, and in early and
. The snowiest periods will be in early and mid-December,
early to mid-January, early February, and early March. April and
will have above-normal temperatures and below-normal precipitation,
with hot temperatures in mid-May. Summer temperatures
will be near or slightly above normal, on average, with below-normal rainfall.
The hottest temperatures will occur in early and mid-June and
mid-July. September and October will be cooler and drier than

Seriously? More of this crap? I can't take it. No - honestly... I may have to move to somewhere along the coast of the Pacific. I want sunny and 70 all year long. I generally don't complain about Winter - because I hate the hot, hot, hot of Summer. But I am pining for the days of being able to sit on a patio and drink a beer and relax.

I'm not sure - but I think this has been the longest Winter, ever. It seems like it is never ending. Maybe it's because there is talk of some sort of snow in our forecast just about every day. Whether it's snowing or there's more snow coming, or we had snow... You hear about it every day. Not to mention the bitterly cold temperatures. I don't think I've been warm since October. Honestly! This is crazy! It's freezing in the building at work, too.

Check this out - here is the upcoming "forecast" from the Old Farmer's Almanac:

January 2009: Avg. Temperature: 29° (5° above avg.)Precipitation: 1.5" (1" below avg.)

Jan. 1-2: Rain showers, mild Jan. 3-8: Snow showers, cold
Jan. 9-12: Snow, then sunny, mild
Jan. 13-16: Showers, then sunny, mild
Jan. 17-19: Rain to snow Jan. 20-22: Snow showers, cold
Jan. 23-26: Rain and snow showers, mild
Jan. 27-29: Sunny, mild
Jan. 30-31: Snow north, showers south

February 2009: Avg. Temperature: 24° (avg.)Precipitation: 1" (1" below avg.)
Feb. 1-4: Snow showers, cold
Feb. 5-8: Rain and snow
Feb. 9-21: Snow showers, cold
Feb. 22-25: Sunny, mild
Feb. 26-28: Rain to snow, then sunny

Ahh - how nice does Spring look now? This is what I'm looking forward to again... Flowers, warm weather, fishing, the beach. Anything outdoors. I definitely am having Winter-itis. How about you?

What do you do to beat the winter blues? Myself - I keep a picture of my feet in front of the ocean from our vacation last year on the beach to Florida. A simple reminder of how I'll be complaining that it's too hot in about six months.

26 January 2009


I don't normally use this website to talk about my personal life - unless however it is somewhat work related. But today - I am.. So I apologize. I'm in kind of a funk lately.. In fact - I've been in kind of a funk for a little while. I met someone a couple of months ago that I really started to like. Our relationship grew - I knew there were things I really, really liked (he made me laugh and smile, he really understood my job, he wasn't intimidated by my sometimes overly opinionated mind, etc) and there were things I didn't like. I won't list those (it just seems petty). As time went on - our feelings developed. He used the "L" word. I didn't know what to say. I was so taken back by the fact that he said it first - with no prompting. I felt like I had finally found it. Then Sunday came. We spent the day together yesterday - and today - I'm trying to figure out how to not let my guard down and let him in and sabotage it. The last couple of weeks have been hot and cold. He attributes it to 'we fight because we care'. Last night's good bye kiss didn't feel like I cared. I felt like I was kissing a fish. Am I being overly critical? Am I looking for something to be wrong? I wonder if I am setting it up to fail before it ever has a chance to make it on its own.

I'm not sure - but I think I have a huge problem with commitment. I'm fine until I feel forced to spend time with said person. My family has always asked what my attraction to men that didn't leave near me was - and I never could answer that honestly. I think I've figured it out. I think I am terrified by commitment. I love talking to people... I like men that stimulate my mind. The rest follows in suit. But when that relationship has a chance to become tangible, I freak. I don't mean freak out like I clam up, get nervous, etc... I mean I totally change who I am. I make every excuse to push them away. I find a way to keep my distance and keep myself guarded. I pick fights. I find every little thing wrong with them to convince myself to not like them. You would think I had a horrible childhood, witnessed a bad marriage. But I haven't. My parents have been happily married for 30+ years, both sets of my grandparents well over 50. I just don't get it.

I was emailing with a friend of mine who is married and has kids and I said I have a lot of great things in my life - amazing friends, a wonderful family and a great job that allows me to be creative and intellectual at the same time. I get to travel. I get to meet interesting people. That being said - I wonder how the other half lives. What is it like to have kids? Or to have a husband that you love and loves you unconditionally? What am I missing? I know I'm missing out.. I get that.. But am I not only missing the wonders of that love... But am I missing the commitment gene? Was I born defective? Or is it that I haven't met "the one".

I think believe in soul mates - there are too many happy and amazing marriages for there to not be "that one". Right?

I'm on a quest.. Not to find "the one". If it is meant to be - it will find me. Time and patience. Time - I hope I have plenty of, but patience - I don't think I have that much of that. But I have to figure out what the hell is eating at me. I know I have been through some crap. I know Jacob left me broken. I would have though after four years that would have fixed itself. I have lost count of the great men that have walked into my life and I've pushed right out the other one.

My heart is heavy tonight and my brain hurts from thinking. I need a bottle of wine and some House, M.D. to fix what ails me.

06 January 2009

A New Year

So we're close to a week into the New Year and already it's been incredible. I'm sitting here this morning and for the first time in awhile... I feel refreshed, rejuvenated and excited about what I'm doing. Don't get me wrong - I love my job. Just about every aspect of it. Maybe it's the travels... Maybe it's just a better attitude - I'm really not quite sure. I do have to say - I think some of this feeling of "fresh air" comes from my interview yesterday.

Every morning with Greg and Dan about how important the American Farmer is to our society. One of the things we trying to lessen is the disconnect between the consumers and the producers. Sometimes we forget how much each relies on the other. In this new book American Farmer Paul Mobley photographs farmers from 35 different states and highlights their story. I think this is beneficial for both parties. It shows the labor of love that farmers - who are truly the heart and soul of America - go through every day to provide our country with the safest most reliable food supply in the nation. In addition - without asking - it gives the farmers the recognition they don't necessarily want... but do deserve. In this coffee table book - you find stories of Walter Jackson - the 104 year old Citrus Farmer from Florida to the story of Jim Taber - a young single father of two who is a cattle rancher in Montana. The stories inspired me.

In a time when we hear a lot of negative - From the battle over Food and Fuel and the worries of a financial meltdown... This book gives us a chance to highlight some of the history in America. Some of the good in our every day lives that we don't always see.

I fell in love with the stories. With the people that Mobley photographed. Their eyes. Their hands. Every wrinkle or scar on their face tells a story. A story of history and a passion and fire to live.

The introduction to the book was written by Michael Martin Murphey - who said this "Those outside of rural American need to see what is in this book. Paul Mobley's photographs convey a sacred connection between the food we eat and those who provide it."

To find out more information about the book or to see some of its photos - or even hear the interviews... You can visit our website http://ag.1290wirl.com/ or http://ag.1470wmbd.com/ .

Katrina Fried and Paul Mobley will be in San Antonio, TX for the AFBF Annual Meeting... Hopefully we'll run into them there.

...The best looking-glass is the eyes of a friend....

**All photos are courtesey of Paul Mobley**